When to tell people you're pregnant
For many women, it's difficult to determine the right time to tell family and friends that they're pregnant. There's no right answer, but there are several things you may want to consider when making this decision. Ask yourself the questions below, and for each question, see if you can determine what's right for you.
Who should I tell first?
In many ways, telling close family and friends that you're pregnant is harder than telling people you don't know. Therefore, it can be helpful to plan who you'll tell first about your pregnancy and how you'll go about it.
Close friends and family members may prefer to be told in person. Some family members, such as parents, may also expect to be among the first to be told. You may decide for yourself that you want to tell your family and close friends first so they are aware of your pregnancy and available to provide support as soon as possible.
How do I tell them?
It's worth noting that if you announce your pregnancy on social media, you may have little control over who sees your announcement and when. Be aware that such public announcements can attract significant attention, personal stories, and advice, which may or may not be invited and/or requested.
Even announcements made in secret can become widely known because people like to share such news when it is posted online.
My pregnancy was unexpected - how do I tell people?
If you have a partner, it's best to decide who to tell, as well as when and how.
If your pregnancy was unplanned, you and your partner may need to process your feelings before telling others. If you're not with a partner, you may want to avoid unwanted comments early in your pregnancy.
When should I tell my employer?
Unless your doctor tells you it's unsafe, it's possible to work while pregnant. There's no law requiring you to inform your employer at any specific time that you're pregnant. However, both Australian law and your employment contract, agreement, or grant—if you have one—will include certain rights and responsibilities.
You need to give your employer 10 weeks' notice if you plan to take parental leave. You must notify them in writing of your leave and return dates, and confirm them at least 4 weeks before your leave begins.
It's definitely a good idea to tell your employer you're pregnant before they hear from anyone else, as you and both may need to make some adjustments to your work arrangements. For example, you may need to avoid certain tasks that pose a health and safety risk, depending on what your job entails.
In Australia, the law protects you from pregnancy discrimination. This means you cannot be treated unfairly because you are pregnant—for example, by being fired, given fewer hours, or overlooked for a promotion.
When should I tell my colleagues?
Early in pregnancy, you may experience symptoms such as fatigue, lightheadedness, and morning sickness. You may also need to take time off for appointments.
This can affect your personal and work relationships with your colleagues if they don't know why. Therefore, it's a good idea to let your colleagues know you're pregnant as soon as you tell your boss.
The workplace can offer significant personal support, and this will become even more effective once your colleagues know you're pregnant. It can be particularly helpful if you're experiencing pregnancy complications.
When is it safe to tell people I'm pregnant?
Many women choose to delay announcing their pregnancy until at least the end of the first trimester (12 weeks of pregnancy). This is usually attributed to the risk of miscarriage during this time, but the 12-week mark is not a hard and fast rule you should follow.
If you have any medical reasons that might make you worried about miscarriage — such as a history of miscarriage, or if you are over 40 — you may prefer to wait before telling anyone.
What if I tell people I'm pregnant and then have a miscarriage?
The risk of miscarriage is already low by 6 weeks of pregnancy, and very low after 10 weeks.
When deciding when to tell people you're pregnant, you may want to consider how you'd prefer to handle a miscarriage if it happens. Many people may find a miscarriage so devastating that they'd feel too distressed to discuss it with others.
On the other hand, by telling people you are pregnant, support may be available in the event of a miscarriage, keeping in mind that it may be difficult to hide the accompanying feelings if one occurs.
How do I tell someone I'm infertile or have lost a child?
When you tell people you're pregnant, your friends and family will almost certainly be extremely happy for you. But if they've lost a baby, can't conceive, or are having trouble conceiving, it's important to remember that they may be grieving for themselves. They may also not be able to express their happiness as enthusiastically as your other friends.
It will help to tell these friends privately and before you tell others, let them know that you realize your news may not be easy for them.